Many of you have asked about how my wife Karla is doing with this new turn of Providence in our lives. I have asked Karla to weigh in for herself. She agreed. Here it is:
Today I had several friends e-mail and call asking me how I was doing. The response they got depended on when they contacted me. One friend got a quick, upbeat response, and another an ocean of tears. It’s still a roller coaster ride for me. Mike said that he writes to deal with the current situation, and I said that I cry. But that’s not always the case. I’m also pretty good at putting up a front. Nobody wants to wear their feelings on their sleeve all the time. My mind is often churning, thinking about how I should handle everything, thinking of how my parents handled my brother’s health problems, thinking about how life has changed and could change even more.
I also respond like the black-and-white statistician that I am. I want that thing out of his head and I want it done in the safest way possible and I want it gone yesterday! Unfortunately, the statistics being thrown at me are not that cut and dried. 61% chance of bleeding in Mike’s lifetime, 10-15% rate of significant deficit following open surgery, 40% chance of obliteration following gamma knife procedure, possible aphasia, hemiparesis, or worse, Rankin scale (Mike’s currently at 0, which is good), Spetzler-Martin grade (Mike’s a 3-4, which is operable), good risk because he’s male and has no deep-venous drainage, some risk because the AVM is large . Do you see what I mean? This is not easily sorted out, which is what I want.
So God has us waiting on Him again. I try to keep in mind that our kids are watching. It’s another storm swirling around us, but Jesus is still the anchor of our souls (Hebrews 6:19). My goals through this are to stand firm in the faith, help Mike, and make sure my children know that God is in control of their world, even when everything feels out of control. Simple but lofty. Pray that God would grant me these!