Is this all a bad dream?

Someone do me a favor and slap me across the head….or maybe the face.  Tell me this is all a bad dream that just has every appearance of reality, but is nothing more than a bad 3-d dream in which time itself stands still and merely gives the convincing impression that this is really happening. 

One of my favorite T.V. shows in history was the Twilight Zone with host Rod Serling.  In high school I had a couple buddies that would come over during the summer months at 10:00 p.m. each night and watch it for an hour.  We would pop up some pop corn, turn on the big green disco light in the basement, and watch with anticipation the strange stories concocted by the significantly off-center writers, trying to be the first to predict the twist. 

Two comments.  First, this is really happening.  Second, it is not the Twilight Zone.  The Twilight Zone, of course, was not a real place.  I know that I am in a real place called Earlham, Iowa with a great wife, five children to love, a home, and a truckload of reasons for which to be thankful to God.  This does not diminish the reality that it still seems unreal.

I never think about the reality of what is going on as long as I am sleeping.  Neither do I recall having any dreams about it.  But, I still have a hard time believing it.  I know it’s true.  I look at the picture of the congenital misfit in my brain at least ten times a day.  So I know it’s real, but it can’t be real, but it is real.  But it only becomes real when I am awake.  So, when I wake up in the middle of the night it’s particularly real.  When I awake in the morning it is real, and until I get to sleep again that night it’s very real, even though it can’t be real, but it is.

I’m thankful for Dilantin, the anti-seizure medication the docs prescribed for me.  Even though I have had only one seizure in my life they have prescribed 500 mg each day.  Two pills in the morning and three at night.  I’m not sure what they actually do… I need to look into that.  They must quiet my brain and take it to a little quieter and happier place.  At night three of these pills put me out like a lightbulb.  One night two weeks ago I forgot my evening dose and lay awake in bed trying to go to sleep like the rest of the world.  That won’t happen again.  I like my sleep.  I suspect you can understand why.  I popped three of those sleepy pills thirty minutes ago. Good night!


One thought on “Is this all a bad dream?”

  1. Mike,
    Thank you for your honesty and openess as you go through each day. It helps me to know how to pray for you. I can not feel what you are feeling, but as your sister, when one family member suffers so does the other. I found this typed piece of paper in my Bible today, and it just stood out to me to share it with you. I don’t even know where it came from.

    So many things I’ve started, but few things complete. One moment’s gone, the next comes along. Random patterns at best, yet display your Divine beauty. As I rest in your promise that you’ll never leave me. Please do for me what I can’t do myself. Can it be I’m most useful when I’m not all together? Exposed and humble if part of your plan. When my life unravels, your glory astounds me. May my heart be willing, my life centered on You.

    God bless you and give you peace. Kathy


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