I communicate much more effectively via writing than I can verbally in these days. I can think clearly enough. I don’t feel confused. Yet, when I open my mouth to speak in public (or even one on one) it’s somewhat of a struggle. The words do not come out like I think they should. Trauma to the brain area often causes what is called aphasia. Aphasia is “…an impairment of language that affects speaking, understanding, reading and writing.” Intelligence supposedly remains intact, but there is often difficulty communicating through writing or speaking. This must be what I am experiencing to a degree.
Imagine the frustration then, of knowing what you want to say but not being able to communicate those ideas to others…and the ensuing frustration of being fully aware of this inability. Like me attempting to administer the Lord’s Supper this morning at my church… even though I practiced several times word for word…from the exact spot in the sanctuary where I would say the words for real . If you were there you know what I mean.
The experts say things should normally improve dramatically in the first year after a major brain surgery. The frustrations, then, for a man like me who has always tended toward impatience anyway, are legion. But the moment I begin to think this way, is the moment I need to stand back, humble myself in the sight of the Lord (and others obviously as well…however involuntary they may be), and just be thankful that I am alive to struggle through the Lord’s Supper. I’m planning on preaching again on the first Sunday of June, and then every other week for awhile, sharing the privilege with my trusted colleague Jaysson Gurwell.
This is mainly an update for those of you who might think that I am doing better than I really am. If you didn’t know me, and guaged my progress by how well I am communicating you may well think I am making advances equally well in all areas. The main progress is coming through major advances via physical therapy and occupational therapy.
Like Oliver going before the ogre with his famous words “please sir, may I have some more?” with every eye in the orphanage dining room trained upon him… I cannot relate, for my heavenly Father gives only good gifts to those who ask. Father in heaven, more patience please.